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RANTS JULY 2, 2009

By _

That voice on your answering machine is very nice.

Thank you to all the nurses in this city, the women at the Salvation Army on Bay Street and the women at social services for all their help. They are godsends and I don’t know where I would be without their help.

All the 30–something couples with babies, if you are only going out just because it’s kids eat free day, then stay at home. Do us all a favour: make supper yourself or go to McDonald’s.

It is so great to see Pricilla at Timmy’s because her beauty shines through like the sun in the window.

I am D.T.F. and wish more girls were D.T.F. too.

Is the HSR going to pay for my unemployment insurance when they never show up on time? Whether you realize it or not we depend on you to get us to work.

Not only do I have yellow shorts but green and purple ones too.

This is Granny. This goes out to the little prick who tried to egg me, but guess what, you sack of shit, you missed! I hope whoever is your favorite person in the world gets egged and whoever eggs them has better aim because you missed. Ha ha!

Bus drivers get off schedule because passengers have incorrect fare, try to outrun the bus or have no ID.

James, it’s Mike, I think it’s your turn for the beer run.

Are you shitting me?

I may be drunk, but the whole LCBO strike shit is a scam.

I was just in the store and they had everything but green ketchup. What happened to it? I love food coloring!
I’m too drunk to reach my lighter; this is a catastrophe!

To the person who thinks pajama pants are attractive, you are very wrong. The people who go out in them need to take showers.

Michelle from New York, if this is who I think it is I would love to talk to you one–on–one.

How come nobody in St. Catharines sells soup anymore?

Some of the rants in here I get a good laugh at, not because they are stupid but so true. I have a rant about hot dogs: Easterbrook’s has great ones but the Arbor in Port Dover has very awesome food.

I have a rant about that law that came about a few years ago where it’s legal for women to walk around topless. I just wanted to say that the only women who have taken advantage of it are old women with boobs down to their ankles.

My rant is directed to people complaining about how loud motorcycles are, and I’m not a biker but to the people complaining about it, you need to get some cheese with your whine. You can say the same thing about cars driving around with no mufflers.

You biker mice kill me.

I’m sure you won’t print this, but who is the proofreader for this magazine?

To my hot sexy downtown neighbour, the fireworks after Sloan were amazing. Why don’t you take me on a date?

I run this city.

What a terrible week in Hollywood. First Ed, then Farrah, and now Michael. Horrible.

Just beat it, beat it, if you want to be fair just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it. Rest in peace, King Of Pop.

I have never heard of anything lamer than the stupid cheeseburgers and cat rants. It is probably from people from the gutter who have nothing better to do. It is so lame! Come up with a half–decent subject to talk about, people.

Steve the douchebag went to Halifax.

To the guy bitching about PETA, get your facts straight.

All the pro–life people, instead of blocking medical clinics, why don’t you block off cemeteries then? Oh yeah, and R.I.P Michael Jackson.

I have never been a fan of Michael Jackson but his death is a total shock.

The group PETA, does it stand for People Eating Tasty Animals?

I miss you already, Michael Jackson
View, I am beginning to wonder about you.

I went down to Hess Village and I had a bad night and had to crash at my buddy’s place so I went on a walk through Westdale and I’m a radio DJ so I thought I would spin records. It’s been a lonely night but I am listening to some records and drinking some beer so its actually all good.

To the guy seeking a partner, I’m gay, single, 30 year old non–smoker, honest and trustworthy and I love blonde hair and blue eyes. Maybe I will come and find you.

The problem with the HSR is that they don’t punish the drivers when they are late.

I once saw Jesus have lunch with Jim Morrison.

Get there in one piece!Get there without hurting someone or yourself, so speedy drivers, please slow down.

Dave from Hamilton here. I think the View is fantastic. This is my first rant and I wanted to say that I think the View should feature a story on Shawn Michaels the wrestler.

My new girlfriend is better looking than my last girlfriend and I think this is what they call trading up. Yay me!

To the bitches that stole my MAC make up from my bathroom at my party: have fun using my make up, and guess what? I have a nasty eye infection!

See you later, Michael Jackson.

All the goose poop in Bayfront Park is really shitty.

I just wanted to thank all the people who went out to City Hall on June 22 to show their support for the parks and the expansion of parks – that was a real bonus. Another thing I’d like to mention to is why don’t they turn that little boarded–up storage space that was burned out across from City Hall into a little park – that would be ideal. I don’t think it should be allowed to allow boarded–up spaces be boarded–up for – how many years has that been boarded up? They should make it a little park and make it a little resting place if they want to improve the downtown street. That’s it for now. Thank you.

Try punching me in the head when I’m riding my bike on the sidewalk and you’ll get a ball–peen hammer in the forehead!

Hi Editor, my rant is about Value Village, too. Yes, it is very expensive. You said you bought a shirt there for $3. Okay, you can probably buy the same shirt from Giant Tiger and it’s brand new, not used or stained. Which is better? A brand new shirt that’s not stained, ripped or torn? Or one that’s ripped, torn or stained? Value Village is not a value. I find the process is totally outrageous. You can buy a pair of jeans at Giant Tiger for $10 and the same pair of jeans at Value Village will cost you almost $20. That doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. Thank you.

Homicide is murder. Homocide is murder of a gay. Homey–cide is murder of your friend. And hamicide is murder of a pig.
I love Michael Jackson. Rest in peace

Yeah, I’m the girl who couldn’t break up with her boyfriend. Yeah, I did it. Now he’s stalking me on Facebook.
Is there no honour among consultants?

Ever hear Stephen Harper tell a joke? No, because he’s humourless. A humourless Conservative! Do not ever trust someone who doesn’t believe in comedy. He’s a joke, though.

There was this guy named Chris, and he would write about men who had their penises possessed by aliens and bunny rabbits terrorizing entire villages and now Chris is gone. And maybe his penis is possessed.

I’m getting sick and tired of people today saying that the music today isn’t as good as it used to be. I can guarantee that Bob Dylan or Neil Young would never win “American Idol.” The judges would laugh them off the stage.

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