On September 1st, as Hurricane Dorian made its way toward the Bahamas, Donald Trump tweeted: “In addition to Florida — South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia, and Alabama will most like be hit (much) harder than anticipated. Looking like one of the largest hurricanes ever. Already category 5. BE CAREFUL! GOD BLESS EVERYONE!” The ways that this deranged utterance sum up the way the world moves to the strokes President Trump’s fingers are myriad, so let’s break it down. Most ‘controversially’ the National Weather Service deemed it necessary to clarify that, in fact, Alabama would not be impacted at all by the storm, sending Trump into a tailspin. Far from dealing with things like emergency preparedness, the man became seemingly obsessed with proving that he was right that Alabama was in the storm’s path. Amazingly, the issue remained at the forefront of the news for days, peaking with Trump’s incredibly bizarre desk–side performance, where he showed a map crudely doctored by a sharpie to ‘prove’ that the storm had been forecasted to reach Alabama. He launched broadsides at the weather service and the Fake News Media, while insisting he was right all along. And that’s just it; Donald Trump’s presidency is nothing more than a four year battle to ensure that every single thing he says is true, and anything said against him is false.
There’s little else to be said about Trump’s propensity for falsehood and hyperbole, and obviously his behaviour is often a threat to public safety. There’s not much funny about the leader of a nation waiting on a storm to be misdirected in this fashion. There is something deliriously absurd however about the fact that there’s an entire group of people who work for Donald Trump who’s job seems to be nothing else than to react to one insanity after another. Imagine what it’s like to have a job where you wake up everyday waiting for the Mad Libs directions you will have to take from the world’s most powerful man. Todd, we’re going to need a sharpie, stat! Wait, what, why? The President needs to draw his incorrect thoughts on a map for the whole world to see. Also, we’re going to need you to pretend everything he’s said about the path of this looming storm is absolutely true. It’s precisely the same idea as when these people were faced with explaining that Trump’s inauguration was the largest gathering of humans in the history of the species, just that the darts he fires at the wall landed a little different this time round.
Of course, Trump’s exaggerations have a purpose, even if they’re not purposeful. That’s the maniacal beauty behind them. The power of the President is such that this movement from erratic nonsense to position of the state is seamless. While the Alabama snafu is a weird left turn, his description of the potential danger of the storm is in keeping with the way he describes pretty much every hurricane that makes it onto FOX’s weather arm. Like all of his other exaggerations, they’re grounded in his own insecurities. In this case, one can imagine the bumbling apparatus of American emergency response in the hands of Donald Trump is an absolute mess. So, how do they deal with this? Not by, you know, trying to remedy the situation (as that would be impossible, given the situation), but instead to let people know ahead of time that what is coming is the absolute worst version of whatever the thing in question happens to be. This hurricane here, you’ll never believe it, this thing is the biggest craziest most dangerous storm the planet has ever seen. It’s Category 5, which also is an all–time record! This is in keeping with Trump’s tried and true strategy of covering his own ass at all times. This way, if Hurricane Dorian did devastate the southeastern seaboard of the country he leads, well who could blame him when the cleanup is a disaster. It was beyond his control! Biggest storm ever!
There is no other direction than directionless in the Trump administration. This is a weekly, daily, hourly, by–the–minute hurtling from drivel to coverup. By the time the Alabama Proclamation had died down, it wasn’t really even of its own volition, but rather that Trump had entered an online battle with his now former National Security Adviser John Bolton, whom Trump claimed he had dismissed, despite Bolton’s claims that he had first resigned from the post. So, the news networks fall in line, the memes online flow forth, and we revel and cringe at just another day in Trump’s paradise. V